How I Picked Myself Up After Discovering That I’m a Special Needs Mom

It's indeed a while that I could take time for myself, let alone blog. The past many months kept me busy with moments of “wow” and “ouch” of their own, amidst a successfully running career, my new baby arrival and my first-born son's continued suffering from uncontrollable seizures… It's extremely difficult trying to keep that smile always on, whether you want to or not. Though a woman’s success at her work cannot wipe away all of her emotional distress on personal front, I think it can definitely make her well-prepared to handle it in your stride.

Loving yourself and doing what you love are just so important at that very moment, though they may be the last things in your priority list.

Its easy to give up or brood “why me?”, prefer seclusion or turn rebellious or turn an atheist. But pause for a second, step out of your shoes and see yourself in the eyes of your own Mom or Dad. And that’s when you actually can see how miserable you are. Self-blame or self-pity won’t take you anywhere, but self-confidence and your determination to “never-give-up” will take you places.

If my little one’s seizure disorder is only capable of shattering me into a thousand pieces, shedding tears everyday, I’m making life miserable for both of us and the entire family. Instead, I try to collate inputs from my discussions with neurologists, therapists, fellow-moms, familial wisdom; explore treatments in allopathy, homoeopathy and ayurveda; ensure care at school and home, diet and nutrition, timely medication, encouraging peer interaction, his overall development and working towards an inclusive society.

First and foremost – I talk about it. From a self-imposed confinement, I started coming out of my shell. There is no need to attach any stigma, I decided.

My courage came from my acceptance of the situation. After being in spells of depression for over 2 years post my elder son’s diagnosis in early 2012, I picked myself up, little by little. As I started to see life again in a new perspective, I moved progressively in my career (and academics as well, finishing my masters course in French after a gap of 6 years!)

I sang, treated myself to a facial massage or a bought a nice perfume, I did crochet, planted seeds, did gardening, taught French, went for music concerts, hung out with my sister and cousins for hours of nonsense or called an old friend. I had stressful but open-minded conversations with my family discussing my son’s progress and how we could equip him to do better.

I started to love myself more than ever before, because I know I have a goal ahead, and there is no one else but I in this race. I have no choice but to emerge successful in raising my child to reach the best of his ability, no matter what.

And in this journey, my parents, sister and a few close friends – have all been my pillars. It wasn’t easy either, primarily because there was no family history of epilepsy and nobody really understood it well enough. I made efforts to create awareness among all those who mattered to my son and me, explaining to them about how different can the needs of a child with epilepsy and developmental delays be.

I think most of the times, we get into this thought mode that the world shuns us in such situations. But no, let’s pause being judgemental for a moment and think again. However close a friend or a family member is, they will not know how to help you unless to speak it out. Chances are fair that you will get an ear or a shoulder for support, using which you start taking things forward.

Life doesn’t come easy to any mother and the degree of difficulty is clearly augmented in the case of a special needs mother.

I unlearned certain stereotypes and started relearning life along with my son.

I learned to accept.

I learned what humanity actually is.

I learned to take unimportant things easy.

I learned to celebrate every small accomplishment we make, together as a family.

I learned that life is too short to waste running after what doesn’t actually matter.

I learned to smile and laugh more because I understood that life is momentary and I decided to spend it joyfully.

Agree that the struggle is real and being vulnerable is human.

But picking yourself up is not impossible.

Just give it a try so that you can experience what it feels like to be on the other side of life.

Cheers to all the wonderful mothers who stand by their little ones in prosperity and adversity, alike.

It’s not easy but you’re not alone, dear mom.